She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
