Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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