I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
