We named our party play list daddy issues
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You were trust falling into bushes
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
