I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
it's like heaven, but drunker
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All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
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The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I supernannyed him into submission
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