I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
