fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
