u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
