When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
