i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
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I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
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