real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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