his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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