In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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