Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
