I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
