Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
