hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
