im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
