i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
