Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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