Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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