I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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