using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
