got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
