Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
