Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My feet surprised me
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