he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
