haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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