Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
