i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
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He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
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I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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