belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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