Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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