What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
