Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
