oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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