Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
