on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
