With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
