Don't make out with my wife yet
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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