i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
