Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
