i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i will never coherently bang her
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
