May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
