I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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