For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
