ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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