i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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