btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
