I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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