My friends, they love my intelligence
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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