i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
