You can't motorboat a personality
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
