I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
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These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
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Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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