would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
