if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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