she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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