yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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