dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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