She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
