quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
