happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
