p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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