Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
