You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
