Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
