Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
