she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
