why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Can I color on your dick again?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
