I cockslap morals
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Damn victory sex feels great
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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