Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I enjoy the company of your penis
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
