ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize