We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
